I know I haven't blogged in forever. But I don't really like to. I feel too exposed!!
But today marks a watershed in my life. It has been 3 years since my divorce was final.
Three years ago today I was sitting at a court house being forced to dissolve my marriage. I thought I would remember that date forever. Because it was the day my life was over, it was the day that God had forgotten me. It was the day that I fell apart. And honestly I didn't know where I would go from there. How I would live and make it through each day.
BUT that was three years ago. And now I remember that day not because of what it ended, but what it began. It's been a journey. And because I am hard headed and have to learn the hard way, God wanted my heart. And once I lost everything I finally became willing to give it to Him. I have mustered strength when I thought I couldn't go on. I have had so many wonderful people that God has put in my life that have encouraged me to go and supported me when I needed it. As horrible as it all has been I appreciate that it has brought me to who I am and much closer to God.
I have a friend who is also divorced and he once quoted me a statistic that said on average it takes about 3 years to heal from a divorce. So I guess I am magically healed now!! Of course there is no magic. God has healed a lot of my wounds and continues to grow me. But we all have had hurts and situations that scarred us. And I believe we will never be fully healed until we go and sit at His table in heaven.
I had a friend turn 30 recently and she was saddened because she didn't think she would be where she was at this point in her life. I think we all hit that point. Where the picture that we grew up dreaming about isn't reality. But I think that it what being content is. And counting the blessings that God has given you. I wish I wasn't divorced, I wish I wasn't alone, I wish I didn't have to make all the decisions by myself, I wish I had someone to share the load with Hannah. But those aren't how things are. And you know what I am perfectly fine with that (well maybe not perfectly but I try). I have an amazing peace and joy with where I am right now. I know God is faithful and He will give me what I need when His timing is right. I struggle with that at times, but when I'm struggling I miss the important things in life.
Mark, my pastor, talked about how insignificant our lives are today. Sounds encouraging right? But it is true. That we need to focus on God's glory and His plan because our 70-80 years is very small in comparison to forever. He said something to the effect of live like our lives have a point and we are not it. I love it. It's not about me. It's about His love shining through me.
And here is a picture of Hannah and I 3 years ago: (oh did I forget to mention that the day after I signed the papers we went to Hawaii and stayed with my aunt?)
