Is it Friday yet?

Its been a long week already!!! I had my endoscopy and my colonoscopy Tuesday. Today I lived in a fog from the drugs. It wasn't bad FYI so if your 50+ or have a history you need to get it done!! I can give you some pointers!

Anyway, they think I might have Celiac Disease. Another auto immune which is basically an allergic reaction to gluten (a wheat product). Yep that is right no more bread. And there are a lot of products that use wheat as a binding agent or a thickening agent. So I start to google because I AM the google doctor. And I'm thinking so if I cut out gluten then I won't have to worry as much about my weight. Well b/c of the allergic reaction my body hasn't been absorbing the nutrients I need (thats why I have been "off my game" mentally, and so darn tired). So just like in anorexia once your body gets what it needs it hoards and starts to store just in case this happens again. So I have to be super careful or I will gain back all that I have worked so hard to lose.

So its hard to not feel sorry for myself and hide. My friend wrote in her blog that someone encouraged her group to "turn off the TV and start living" And I made me realize this is going to take a lot of work. But I have a choice. I can be proactive and creative and live life or I can feel sorry for myself. Its also motivation to do more with Hannah. We have been going to the library every week for 3 weeks!! I love spending that kind of time with her.

That Peaceful Easy Feeling

There have been a couple of songs that have been speaking to me. One goes "I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned" and I heard a new one by Steven Curtis Chapman today"God is God and I am not, I can only see a part of the picture He's painting, God is God and I am man, So I'll never understand it all" And on the radio they were talking about Steven's daughter who was killed in a tragic accident. And she asked for other stories where God had given peace to others. She gave the bible verse "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid" John 14:27

God has given me lots of peace in the last two years. With a divorce, being diagnosed with an auto immune, and change of jobs. And just coping with a preschooler on my own has required a lot. And God has more than come through for me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed to tears on how much he has provided for me. Laura, our pastor's wife, talked about the story of Noah on Thursday night and she quoted the verse "God remembered Noah" and the know that God has remembered me is an amazing feeling.

My newest peace from God came this week actually. I've had a stomach ache for about 2 weeks now. The pain was so bad I finally went to the doctor. I found out on Thursday I am going to have to have a colonoscopy so they can make sure its not an ulcer. And amazingly enough I didn't cry. I'm a little nervous, but God has given me a peace, and has prepared me. Laura blogged about her colonoscopy only a week or two ago!! So I know what to expect. The first thing out of my best friends mouth was: Let me know what day it is so I can take you. And I have even encouraged another friend to get hers done (she has family history of colon cancer). So even though its not going to be fun, its going to be okay. And strangely enough my ex (by the grace of God, we are getting along). Said he would help out or bring me anything if I needed it. So who knew a very private and just gross procedure could make a simple girl feel so loved. I know, this stuff only happens to me. But that is what makes me--me!!

So no matter what I know God has an amazing plan for me. As He does for you. So no matter what is happening in your life, maybe its for a bigger plan of more happiness for you. And just remind yourself, at least I don't have to have a colonoscopy!!

Structure

I am dying for some structure or schedule or just a nice routine, busy or not. I'm not sure when that will be but it sounds nice.

So a friend led me to the website of www.hubbardscupboard.org. Its a Christian based character building. I started doing it this week with Hannah. She wants so much to be able to read. I was amazed that she remembered most of the bible verse and the song we sang. She woke up this morning telling me she remembered it!! And we read the creation story. It was fun. The bible verse this week is "But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way" 1 Corinthians 14:40. when I read it to her she said that I made that up so she would clean her room and make her bed!! She was shocked that God would want her to do that!!

We had a good time. But the biggest disturbance in our peace is soccer. Oh why did I ever agree to soccer? Oh because I thought she would enjoy it. It has caused a lot of trading days and disagreements amongst parents. Her first game is Saturday so I hope she participates!!

For the first time I have some goals that I want to accomplish but still trying to figure out how it all fits in. I want run the 8K in the Turkey Trot in November. I want to read more. I want to cook more things at home. I want to buy a house. I want to be more involved with the youth at church. But its hard to figure how to make it happen. And how to make it happen with a 4 year old. Luckily she wants to be just like me which means she wants to run, she wants to read, she wants to cook, she wants to meet the "kids", and she wants a safe place to live. There is a happy medium here somewhere. My biggest fear is that I will get frustrated and just shut down and do nothing. Its my job to teach my daughter. I want to teach and nurture and spend good time with her. I know all moms do. I love my mini me!!

And no blog is a blog with out a picture. This is Hannah, me, Rochelle and Raegan at the NB 1K. I ran the 5K in 36:01!!